The 10 best new vehicles for 2016 are the ones you can not buy. Enjoy reading about some of the best cars and trucks in Virginia that can't be found. Why? Because they simply don't exist online, at dealerships or any used car lots. You see...these are fictitious vehicles. We had fun creating the list and we hope you enjoy it too!
Toyota Ricemobile - As you may have guessed, this car doesn't need gas or oil to get you where you want to go. It just needs rice. And a lot of it. Simply fill the back seat with 12 bushels of rice and you can go about 100 miles without stopping. A special tube transports the rice to the engine where it's converted into a highly-effective gasoline substitute.
The Ricemobile is cheap (only about $14,000) and it's great to have around when you're eating Chex Mix since you'll never run out of food. Corn and wheat chex work just fine. It gets about eight miles per bushel of rice. We're not sure if that's good or bad. Maybe you can let us know.
GMC Seahawk - Named after the 2014 Super Bowl Champion Seattle Seahawks, the GMC version is shaped exactly like a football. Its aerodynamic look allows you to "glide" along the road at speeds up to 75 miles per hour. Gas mileage is great but for an unknown reason, the airbags engage every Thursday afternoon and the Seattle Seahawks fight song plays at every stop sign.
Also, the lack of brakes makes it a bit dicey when you're attempting to enter your closed garage. You easily enter the garage but also are at risk for driving through the back wall. Design engineers have promised that this glitch will be fixed, or free garage door repair coupons will be included in the purchase package. Of course, if you park on the street, the problem is solved. Unless you park on a hill!
Honda Enrollment - A very mysterious vehicle because not much is known about it. You are only allowed to drive it in November and December, unless you move to a different location or have a baby. The manual is more than 2000 pages but nobody has read it yet. The cost? Nobody seems to know that either! Federal subsidies are available, depending on your household income. And all preventative maintenance expenses are covered at 100%! Holy ObamaHonda!
Nissan Tebow - Yes...you knew it was just a matter of time until a vehicle was named after ex-NFL player Tim Tebow. So what do you get for your $26,000 sticker price? All of the autographed footballs you want (Patriots, Jets, Broncos, and Eagles), and 10% of any future earnings he generates from playing in the National Football League (NFL).
Of course, his professional football career is probably over. If that's true, the sticker price of the vehicle drops to $17,000 but you will have to purchase any future autographs on the open market. If he decides to become a coach, you'll receive an extra 10% off the sticker price.
Chrysler Bifocal - One of the least popular driving options for 2016. The main reason is because it's so hard to see out of the windows. Since they are bifocals, you either have to crouch down low or keep your head touching the ceiling to see ongoing traffic. You quickly get the hang of it, but those pesky trees are difficult to see until the last moment. And by that time, it's too late. For night-drivers, you better not leave the neighborhood because the risk of being involved in an accident is extremely high.
Ford Warthog - It's risky to name a car after an animal, especially an unpopular wild member of the pig family. But this car features mini tusks on the hood of the vehicle, along with a thick prickly hair coating. The horn, as you may have guessed, sounds like a real warthog about to attack prey. The only problem we see is the fact that instead of using gas, the owner must allow the car to graze three hours per day. And one final thing - Ford Warthogs attack other Ford models if they see them. So car insurance rates are high.
BMW Dalmatian - Another vehicle named after an animal. Of course, the dalmatian is a perky dog with spots, which perfectly describes this car. It herks and jerks and sometimes drives away and is not seen for days. If you don't lock it up at night, it will drive off, and probably never be seen again. And forget about putting gas in the gas tank. It runs on dry dog food, and gets about 500 miles per page. Not too shabby. Woof!
Kia Diphtheria - What? A car named after a disease? That's right. It comes equipped with a full-time doctor that lives in the trunk of the vehicle and a glove compartment full of penicillin. Add an ambulance light on the roof (so you can get to the hospital quickly) and you have a very unique automobile. But don't think about getting the car serviced. Nobody will take it. And it's not allowed at public parks or within 200 yards of schools. Hospitals are fine.
Chevrolet Revolt - Manufactured in Latin America, the "Revolt" is designed to give governments a heads up on revolts that get too out of hand. Designed to fire rubber bullets and tear gas to disperse large crowds, it also features massive speakers on the roof that can play old Monty Python clips at decuples that could pierce ear drums. This vehicle was not approved for sale in the US. However, they are allowed on private property.
Subaru Capricorn - There aren't many Capricorns manufactured because you must fall under the astrological sign to purchase the car. And even if you do, you can only drive the car in January and February, but never during a leap year. And watch out for those Sagittarius and Pisces drivers. They always seem to target Capricorns! But perhaps most importantly - No checking your horoscope while you're driving!
Edward Harris is the owner and founder of this website. Since 1980, he has been helping individuals and families with their car insurance needs. During that time, he has handled more than 10,000 applications and continues to provide service for thousands of clients.
Ed is married with two children and enjoys tennis, golf, and international politics. Reluctantly, he bowls once every 10 years.